Day 11: Monday Morning, 2/23/20

  1. pediculophobia: fear of lice
  2. arctophily: study of teddy bears
  3. ventralof: like or pertaining to the underside or the belly
  4. sudoriferous inducing or secreting sweat
  5. derrick hoisting mechanism using a boom and a central post
  6. twaddle rubbish; nonsense
  7. regnal: of a reign

I woke up much earlier than usual, around 6:15. Today I want to break out of the habit of writing about Covid19, whether positive or negative. Part of me wanted to continue the weird dystopian narrative I started yesterday. I still may do it.

Today I’m going to use some of the words, the list generator gave me.

I don’t have pediculophobia. Lice are on my top list of fears; the first three are lice, bedbugs and getting audited by the IRS. Because “Stranger than Fiction” is one of my favorite movies, where I get to see what happens if you do get audited, I’m a little less afraid. The other side of fear is curiosity. I have no curiosity about lice or bedbugs, but getting audited is something I wonder about. Will I be assigned one person like in Stranger that Fiction? How will I deal with trying to show them my disorganized paperwork? Will the person find my paintings interesting? Will this be a Kafka-like person totally bored with being an auditor? Knowing I’m a therapist, will this person start spilling the beans about their life? It must be the only situation besides parties where I would welcome a stranger treating me like I’m their therapist.

I also have Tripophobia, which is the fear of many holes put together. I can’t look up info about it because there are always photos, which creep me out and bring up my tropophobia. There’s an aspect to this phobia where just thinking of it brings up horrible images you’ve seen and that starts up your tripophobia. I found out about it from my kid who told me she had it. When you look it up, they have a photo of a foot filled with holes that haunts me. It varies from person to person in terms of what images trigger more fear than others. It can also be a pattern of lots of uniform circles next to each other, which I used to like doing in drawings and try to steer away from now. A weirder version of it involved seeing a face filled with googly eyes. The person moves their face and they jiggle. That photo is also disgusting. Thinking of it makes me feel sick. I used to wonder why I got so grossed out by clients putting a lot of pompoms in their art work gluing them next to each other.

I also have a rodent phobia, musophobia, mostly of rats and mice. The mice are not so bad, as I’ve had experience with them. I do like the movie Ratatouille, but the scene with the myriads of rats running around in the restaurant I have to close my eyes when it comes. Rats come out of nowhere near my street because of the digging and Con Ed. The other day one big one ran towards me. I screamed while being on the phone with someone.

I do have a fear that my writing is “twaddle”. The more I write in here, the more I feel that my writing is mundane and I’m not really employing things like synecdoche, another great word. Graphophobia and Scriptophobia are related. Scriptophobia, is a fear of writing in public involves agoraphobia, which is a huge category of phobias. Graphophobia can be fear of writing or handwriting. I can’t find any description of what fear of handwriting involves but it probably isn’t the fear of looking at other people’s writing. Scriptomania involves writing so much that it takes over and you are compelled to write all the time. I don’t have either; just a fear that my writing is worsening.

By coincidence, upon waking, I saw my ladybug Beenie Boo, a little stuffed animal, and decided to take her to the couch with me. I have not heard of nor engaged in arctophily but I am very curious about whether there really are people who are arctophiles. I found a review of a Teddy Bear company investigation written by a retired homicide detective. It seems like the word pertains to teddy bear collectors more than people who scientifically study something about Teddy Bears. There was some article pertaining to a hoarder who has a lot of teddy bears. I do love stuffed animals but am quite anti teddy bear when it comes to my own stuffed animals. I seem to have all animals but teddy bears.

I just found out I have plushophilia, the love of stuffed animals. I do not have any sexual attraction to stuffed animals, which was in the next sentence of the paragraph I found on Google. I may have written before about my first and most beloved stuffed animal, little red squirrel I had from a young age. It is among my regretted items that I let the 9/11 cleaning service confiscate for possibly having the dust you’re not supposed to have. I also should not have let them take away a very loved Snoopy that was grey from age and had black ink on it from when I brought it to drawing class at Harvard. The teacher asked us to bring in an object that had a lot of meaning for us.

I heard that every conversation eventually gets to the mention of Hitler. For me it feels like every time I write, it gets to 9/11.

That was 22 minutes of writing; being confined increases the time I write and how often. Later today I will do a prompt with my 12 year old. This doesn’t count editing which I have started implementing more, at the very least to deal with spelling.



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