11/24/21: before and after

I guess posting daily was a bit of a stretch. I’m in general not up to the discipline I had a while ago maybe in the summer; I was working out 6-7 time’s a week and doing yoga. But I wasn’t eating great or waking up early. I’m still working out and doing yoga. I had a few weeks of non frequency but I was packing all the time and then moving. I think I’ve always been prolific and speedy and gotten a lot done quickly; on the other hand it was a kind of manic ADHD driving me and as we all know, if you rush through things, you retain no information and make mistakes. It only works with art making.

Now I wake up early from necessity but I can’t do anything in the morning. Oh well. I keep thinking once my new studio is organized, I will be better able to do things on my list that get put off. As I’ve said before, self care is not supposed to be oppressive; how is that doing anything good for yourself? I say all kinds of things to my clients that I can’t do myself. Sometimes I do share something I’ve found effective as a coping tool.

I also want to read and write more. I took a poetry therapy workshop last weekend and wrote one poem I really liked. I keep meaning to post it here.

I just ran to Target to get cookie dough; it was closed, so I went to 7/11 but I don’t trust their stuff , so I ended up at Insomnia Cookies and got warm cookies we ate in one sitting. It’s better than succumbing to the tub of cookie dough at Target and eating it raw all week while also making the cookies. In the end the thrill of Insomnia Cookies has worn off. I never think about Billy’s Bakery now that it’s not a block away. I return often to the principles for the “Marshmallow Test” book from the 60s which supposedly has been debunked. One obvious conclusion is out of sight out of mind. It wasn’t until right now that I thought of Billy’s Bakery and it’s finally lost its power, like when an addict is thinking of a drug and feels no “charge”. I used to be in my studio like an addict craving Billy’s “Crowd Pleaser” cake and trying to get myself to not run down the street between sessions and get a huge slice. They’re known for their cupcakes but I was jonesing for the big fat slice of cake, half vanilla abd half chocolate, always too sweet.

In the marshmallow test they leave a kid with a cookie and ask them bot to eat it and say they’ll be back in 5 minutes. Then they come back and see if the kid was able to delay gratification. One smart girl covered her cookie with a napkin or something and explained when they came back, if I can’t see the cookie then it’s easier to not want it right away. If I lived in an island with no sweets except fruit, I might imagine ice cream and cookies but I’d be much healthier and able to eat better and probably eventually who knows how long it would take-I’d adapt and not think much about sweets or other bad foods if I hadn’t eaten them for a year.

But I’m pretty sure as soon as I’d be returned here I’d slowly sink back into bad eating habits. But who knows. Sometimes like tonight, I ate the cookies and while I was eating them realizing they’re not that great. The stuff from Target is good so I have to stay away from it. In December 1, I’m going to try day counts of not eating added sugar for the millionth time. People don’t understand how powerful sugar addiction is, to the point where you don’t really want it but you have it anyway.

Enough boring talk of self discipline. Today I finally had time to organize my new studio a bit better and not feel like it was completely a big disorganized mess. The main reason I want to figure out what to put where is to get a feel for the actual space and paint a lot and make other stuff so I can believe I can make it work as both an office and an art studio.

Here are some before and after photos:

Today before
More before

I cleaned up a bunch. I even took some panorama shots that only work if you screenshot them: they end up so weird. The other day I managed to make weird mirror image one I will post last.

It was not a panorama just a bizarre double photo:

The backpack is there twice and the flat files are in the window. I don’t know how I did it!


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